You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
