piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
