Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
