Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
