I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
