new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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