some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
