Me too!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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