im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
