dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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