i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
