They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
