I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
