And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
