i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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