if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
