i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
