He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
