i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
