i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
pray to the hookup gods
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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