thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
