I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
