You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
