I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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