you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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