if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
