Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
