so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
