We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
so much tequila, so little girl.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
