Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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