oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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