So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
