seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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