thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
