I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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