Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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