I'm jealous of your bromance
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
