Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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