Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
