Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
