I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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