My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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