even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
