is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
