my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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