im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
