my phone needs a breathalizer
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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