How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
