Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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