I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
