Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
