my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
