You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
